My heart is fighting with my head tonight...obviously my heart has won. I've spent several hours talking myself out of this post...only to admit I don't want to remember. April 18, 2002. Afton Tara Sanders was killed by a drunk driver. She was 17, merely weeks away from graduating High School and attending college. On this day so many people lost such an important person. She was a very dear friend to me. This photo was taken 4 hours before her death...Today makes 10 years since we all lost Afton. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. It still doesn't seem real. The pain doesn't get better with time. We were all just kids, counting down the days until we graduated and got away. I will always love her.
April 18, 2009 7 years to the day of Afton's death....I lost my eldest brother. I find some sorta twisted irony...losing two great people on the same day, years apart. One was killed by a drunk driver...and the other was an alcoholic who killed himself slowly. I could never find a way to cope with losing Afton...how am I supposed to cope with losing my brother? In his final days, I spent every hour I could with him. Saturday morning (April 18) the entire family sat in silence next to his bed. He was breathing, but did not move. How could I just sit there and watch my brother die? I felt so helpless. I felt so useless. My entire world turned upside down. I'm thankful now that my husband convinced me to leave before he took his last breath. I was 25, I couldn't stand to watch him leave me. My big brother....gone. An hour and a half before everyone was to meet at Afton's grave and let go of balloons on her anniversary, my brother died at the age of 38.
I never knew someone could cry so much. But I did.
So here we are; another year of remembering the pain. The death of Afton and the death of George. Another year of not knowing how to cope. Before I left my brothers side I told him over and over that I loved him. I wanted to make sure he heard me. I didn't have the chance to tell Afton...I'm thankful I was at least able to tell George.
I know everyone has lost someone close to them. I am not any better. I know we all have our stories. I couldn't be silent anymore about mine. My heart made me write...for me...for Afton and for George. I will carry them in my heart, always.
If anyone reads this..please, please don't drink and drive. Not only that...use discretion when drinking...and NEVER drink and take prescription meds together.
I send out a prayer for each and every person who is grieving tonight.
It's another year.